A Month Away

The future seem's so far until what you once felt was going to take forever is now right in front of your face, forcing your hand at making choices you feel as though you are not yet ready to make. Add the feeling of time constantly slipping and the endless age old question of, "What's next?" starts to be heard at every family gathering, it becomes much harder to not feel that anxiety.

In just a little less than a month, I myself am projected to graduate with my Bachelors degree in History. Nothing is more unsettling than the unknown, especially as you are about to walk upon a new wave of life that you never even thought you'd reach in the first place. There are multiple different options post-grad; such as continuing school, finding a career in the field of chosen study, abandoning the entire degree that thousands were spent on to achieve and do something completely unrelated, etc. you get the point. Endless possibilities, an overwhelming amount of choice, and it almost feels as though everyone around you expects you to already know which one it'll be. More often than not, you don't know.

You don't really know unless the field of study that was chosen only has one direct path (for example, education). Perhaps you are convinced you already know what your path is because you have been destined for this career since you were in diapers, who am I to say, but whose to say that situations or circumstances don't change? The field isn't in need of more people, the career is dying, or maybe there's too many graduates of the same field at the same time and now the likelihood of you getting hired seems to be getting slimmer and slimmer. So do you really know? Probably not. I would love to live in ignorant bliss and say it doesn't matter or I'll deal with it later, but later has become now.

It feels as though each time I speak to someone of my family or really anyone who is aware of my graduation hourglass, they always find a way to wiggle in, "So what are you going to do after college?" I don't know.

I don't know. That's the truth. I picked this field of study when I was eighteen, felt like there were no other options other than college, and based my choice off the basis that the French Revolution was the most interesting topic from High School. Now, at almost twenty two, I am about to graduate with a Bachelors degree in History, something I do love but don't really know if I am that passionate about. The goal was to become a secondary (6th-12th) teacher, though I now feel unsure. Not because I no longer want to teach, but because I don't feel ready.

There is the thought that hinders my mind of just going out and giving it my best shot, I feel as though it simply would not be fair to the students that were entrusted to me. The students education shouldn't be put at risk or tampered with simply because I was uncomfortable with giving myself time and instead jumping into a position that seemed like the acceptable path. When I am to teach, I want to be prepared, ready to handle being an educator and responsible for the education of next generations. Currently, I am not certain that I will be ready in the next month. However, that is okay, there isn't a time limit on when I can teach. For now, it is in the best interest of myself and my future students that I take that time in-between. We often feel the crushing pressure of watching your peer's achievements (especially with the influence of social media) resulting in a subconscious comparison. Not just peers, but wanting to impress or not disappoint family can also result in the premature decisions post-grad. Graduating is already such a major accomplishment, there's so much pressure surrounding the after that we often forget to celebrate what is right in front of us. I think we often forget this, forget how hard we've worked because there is always more to do. Yet, that's the thing, there will always be more to do. So for now, I will continue to open the doors that are put in front of me and attempt to subdue the inevitable anxiety that comes along with change.

"What are you going to do after college?"

Something worthwhile.